June 10th

“dont leave me,” I joked as we hugged goodbye.
 
I joked and I was serious. Part of me was ok with letting go, the other part really didn’t want to. In a perfectly perfect world, I’d get to see him more often. But he’s a libra, and he’s the wind, and he has to go. His own life has to continue, yeah? Mine too.
 
We met and talked as we walked. I told him all the things that crossed my mind. Some of those things didnt even make sense but thats ok. We can fill the spaces with as much silliness as we want. He jokes about too many things, the jiggle the girl’s butts, the faces of the people we pass, movie things, music things. We had coffee and he’s mortified by the amount of sugar I pour in. He’s laughing and Im laughing and its pretty much perfect. 
 
I can’t have days like this often, so maybe I appreciate it more. I want to be cool about it but he knows me too well for that. And, lets face it, he isnt cool either. He’s openly warm and dazzling, crooked tooth and all. 
 
“You dont belong in Brooklyn,” he says. “Its your year.” I’ll be 24 in July. “Its our time!” I say. “Its our time down here!” He responds. Goonies.
 
I believe him, at least a little. Sometimes Im not confident at all. Ive been getting better at understanding my own worth. Im less shy. 
 
We hugged twice. We said goodbye. Till next time…
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Betrayal

She slept with my ex. And then I forgive her. It wasn’t enough for me to lose her. He wasn’t worth it. One mistake wasn’t worth it.

She spent valentines day with him.

Is it worth losing a friend over? I don’t know this time. All I have is a sneaking feeling that it isn’t right. How many mistakes does someone make before they learn a lesson?

Is he worth losing me over? So starved for love that you don’t car where it comes from anymore. It makes me sick.

I bet he tells her she’s wonderful.

That’s only half true.

He’ll tell anyone that.

He’ll fuck you senseless I bet. Because I know it. Because I’ve felt it.

But it isn’t worth it.

I texted her. Asked her not to see him.

I asked for a promise.

…and then she never replied.

Thank You, Friend

Had a long talk with a friend of mine. It was 3AM. God knows we had things to do in the morning but sometimes girls need girl talk. And girls need 3AM emotional support. We need to vent and sigh about the things that were out of our control. How we’d still be with him if he’d just gotten his act together. That one him that you’ll secretly continue to love but have had enough of. Every woman has a “him.” A he who shall not be named, well, because when we say “him” we already know who you are talking about. Ah. that’s girl talk, and I love it. Nothing makes me feel more connected to another person than giggling at their messages at absurd times of the day. Because that requires a certain kind of love that actually loves back. And I’ll keep thanking her for that, for being so amazing and caring and ridiculously adorable.