September 2, 2013

And here I was thinking that I was getting over him, but really, I was just distracting myself with other things, other people, pretending to fill in the space he’s left but actually just making it worse. All I can see and feel are useless things that I want to break to pieces. Tear it apart, since, because, the empty is better somehow. At least, that way I could pretend that nothing as changed. I could stare at blank walls and imagine him. I don’t want another person there, smiling, laughing, offering me some kind of warmth I’d rather do without. I want void spaces. And if he ever came back, then his space would have never changed. He’ll fit in snugly, and we’ll share that space, and our time apart wont have to exist. We’ll erase it from our memories. Just me and him. Not me and the walls, or me and the kind boy who presented to me his gorgeous heart, or me and other useless things.

written some time ago…

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