Today, I sang and danced and felt a happiness I hadn’t felt in my own company for a long time. With all of my flaws and despite the ways I just can’t measure up, I laughed and was filled with warmth.
Not too long ago, I suddenly remembered how many times Cliff told me he loved me, how much force he used when I resisted, and then him leaving without a word. That type of pain leaves. Being abandoned by someone who didn’t know how to love in the first place… you understand how inevitable it is and how needed it was. If he stayed any longer, he would have broken me. I’m still the best version of me today. Isnt that wonderful? That he didn’t take away the most precious parts of me.
I did my hair, spoiled it with oils and wrapping it in silk. I wrote poetry and created things with my own two hands. What had I lost with him? Hugs and kisses. Empty promises. His cute face. These are things that I don’t want or need. My next lover won’t need to know his name to know who I am.
I am happy. Life is ok.